Purple Psyche: 4th Trimester Bodies Project

I've been meaning to write about my 4th Trimester Bodies experience for a while... Just have had so much going on, as well. I had my 4TB photoshoot on April 17th, 2015.

This project is meant to empower mothers and and embrace the changes in your body after having children. Encouraging mothers to love their body and their inner self...

Also, it is a project that is working hard toward uncensoring motherhood. In other words, breaking society of it's bad habit of creating this mindset that breastfeeding, birth, pregnancy, etc., should be hidden or something to be ashamed of.

I decided to participate in this project because I had VERY low self esteem before I met Drew... I, honest to God, believed that my only worth to a man was sexual. A piece of meat. There was many times, I would make up stories to try and scare Drew away. There are still, to this day, things that Drew will bring up in conversation that I said I did, and I am flabbergasted at what the hell he is talking about... Just another story I lied about to get him to run away, like all the rest of them. But he didn't. He stayed put.

I never wanted kids... I felt like I was doing the child an injustice, having me as a mother... It wasn't until I realized Drew wasn't going anywhere that I knew I was meant to be a mom...

Drew and I tried for 6 months, until we finally got pregnant. It was one of the best moments of my life... Right under her birth, of course :D.

It was beautiful pregnancy. She was 41 weeks, and they induced me that Monday at 7am. I wasn't feeling any contractions, whatsoever. Even with the Pitocin, she stayed put. It wasn't until 4pm, that they broke my water. That moved her along quite a bit. I immediately felt contractions. After 15 minutes, I needed that epidural. I started pushing about 4:40pm She was in this world after 20 minutes of pushing. She arrived with a little bit of Jaundice. But I was able to take her home when I got to go home :).

Being a mother is the best thing that has ever happened to me. It has skyrocketted my patience. And I have never loved anything like I do my daughter. And my husband was the Savior that got me there. He is my hero.

I got there, and they immediately put me in make up and hair. I then went to the studio and did my interview. Where Ashlee Wells Jackson (The Founder) asked me my history on motherhood and pregnancy, breastfeeding and self love. She was very understanding and kind.

I then went upstairs to grab Burke, dressed her down, and started making her laugh for the camera... Which was close to impossible, it being her nap time at that point :D. But! We got the shots! It was the quickest photoshoot, I've ever witnessed, ;P.

Ashlee and I went through the photos, picked out my favorites, that was that!

With every session, she writes a bio, with the favorite photo. Here's mine:

"The beautiful Brandyne White with her daughter Burke (22 months). Brandyne says that when she was younger she was quite self destructive and self abusive. She didn’t want to have children because she was worried about subjecting them to herself. She met her current partner and within her relationship with him felt loved and validated for the first time. She saw a little boy playing one day and realized that she wanted to become a mother. Brandyne and her partner tried to conceive for about 6 months before she conceived and she says the second she found out she was pregnant she became a mother. She stopped drinking and smoking immediately and went on to have a very healthy pregnancy. She was induced at 41 weeks with Pitocin and after several hours they decided to go ahead and break her water. Burke arrived about 15 minutes later. She was quite jaundiced and Brandyne was worried that she wouldn’t be able to come home with her but her levels dropped just enough that she was able to be released with her. Because of her jaundice, Burke had supplemental formula with breastmilk from birth and Brandyne continued to nurse and supplement until she was about 4 months old when she chose to wean her entirely and switch to full formula. Brandyne feels that all to often “mother” is used as if it is a bad word or something to be ashamed of instead of celebrated and wants to be an active part of changing that. "