Wilson vs. Ferguson

Does... Nobody remember I am married to an man who was in Law Enforcement? Does no one care to think, "Oh, Brandyne's husband used to be a cop, let's ask her what her opinion on this case is." No. When there is a heated discussion, the only thing people are thinking about is their rebuttal, striking down the most recent offensive statement, and getting in that last word. Throwing a few insults in, here and there. All anyone cares about is hearing themselves talk. Keyword: themselves. 

Not to be self pitying or woe is me, by any means. It's just fact. When people are debating, the goal is to win... No matter what information is correct or how much experience/education another party has... No whining. Just fact. 

But... At the same time, as everyone is bickering about this tragic event, I'm standing here asking, "Has any single one of these people, actually been in this cop's situation? Do any of these people understand the weight of being a Cop's wife? The amount of PTSD I have, caused by the severe and traumatic PTSD my husband has endured? Have any of these people been in a life and death situation, where their every move effects the odds of going home to your loving family or a body bag? Has any of these people thought to themselves, 'Should I gain some perspective? Maybe not EVERY thing I believe is gospel...' "

I'm standing there knowing that these people are ripping each other's throats out over this, and these people know nothing... They have not sat at home praying their husband walks in the door at night... They have not sent their spouse off to work, with that quiet heartbreak everyday, knowing that this day may be your last with him... Scared shitless. Praying that when he DOES come home, his cop switch is turned off so you don't have to tip toe around and trigger a fight with him. They have never restrained someone with the thought in their head that if they move in the slightest wrong way, they can be killed; this bad guy can turn your whole life into just brains slaughtered into the concrete... 

The last thing a cop wants to do is resort to using their weapon... Any time a cop has to pull out his gun, it's not going to be a good time... A law enforcement officer is not trained to use his gun just to maim, or injure. They are trained to stop a threat in it's tracks by a shot straight into 'mid mass', the center of the chest. If that means shooting someone who tries to grab your gun from inside the cop car, then resist arrest, WHILE talking smack and hate back to the officer, then charging at the officer, so be it... He was doing what was in his training to protect himself and others around him. HE is going home that night. The officer is going to his family. He did what he needed to to make that happen. Yes, the kid had a family, as well. But frankly, he should have complied with the officer with respect for the law. I mean, he was stopped in the first place for stealing mini cigars, for hell's sake. The kid had JUST robbed a convenient store! Sweet guy... 

Citizens may reject my opinion by saying there was less violent ways of detaining the student. Yes, this may be true, but what's happened has happened... But! What else would you suggest? This kid ended up charging at him and pulling his hands out of his pockets... No cop EVER is going to say to himself, "Oh, okay. Let's just wait and see what he pulls out of his pocket... I don't know if it's nothing, a gun, a detonator, a grenade, a lighter, knife, or even a lollipop. I don't know! But let's wait and see! What's the worst that can happen?? Go ahead, I'll wait for you." Or, "Oh, here, thief! I want you to trust me as an officer and protector of your society, here's my gun to show you how serious I am about that." If  ever such an officer was to exist, he wouldn't for long. 

I don't even see a REASON for this town to be angry... The cop did his job and did it to the best of his ability. He apologized to the family, sincerely. Now he must have a National Guard escort, everywhere he goes. Oh, and to add a cherry on top of it all, him and his wife are expecting a baby. Let's just put an innocent infant at fault here, shall we? If  peace won't be spread for the officers sake, spread peace and forgiveness to this baby and his wife. 

These riots are SO misplaced... Fix violence by creating violence. That's pretty much all I have to say about that. It's too ridiculous and pointless to even talk about. Let's just not blow up buildings in response to that hate you are supposedly wanting to resolve... Done. 

I heard something today that just ABSOLUTELY boiled my blood... Someone said that the white people need to get what's coming to them. A mass riot. A racial attack. Something to make it even with all the rest of us. They need to suffer too. 

So... Did the holocaust like, not happen? Are the Jewish bot part of the 'white' category? Pearl Harbor? 9/11? J. Stalin? No? Doesn't ring a bell? Regardless, is it just me? Or is the 'White' race moving more towards putting slavery in the past than the actual 'Black' race? The only time I have ever heard any one being racist, it's always the one's hating on the 'White' community. I feel like we are trying to move forward, but other races keep pulling us back into that hole. That stigma. We can't crawl out of it... 

My point is, Stop the Hate. It creates most problems, and has solved none. Allow this Officer to live his life with his family in peace, and let this strengthen them. Bless the family of this kid with forgiveness and humility... 

Being a Cop's wife, and recent life events, both have taught me that life is just too short. Life can be taken from you in an instant. Life would take a lot longer to be stolen if everyone just.... Got along. 

Rant Over.

Stay colorful.

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

Uh, oh. Religion.

I had a hankering to write about something tonight. I think I might be getting addicted to this thing ;). But I couldn't think up what to write about. I knew I wanted to speak out. But I couldn't figure out what was bothering me... So I went straight to the source where only answers are found... Google. 

Yes. I resorted to Google. Asking, " What should I write about?" A search I had no expectation of finding something deep enough or personal enough to write  about. But! I surprisingly find that Buzzfeed has EVERYTHING.  Anyone who knows me, knows I. LOVE. BUZZFEED. I like all their pages on Facebook, I play most of their quizzes, I share all of their videos, and read all of their articles. I have now proved that they know everything. ;) The point is, they have a quiz that asks one question and one question only; "What do I write?" And the answer you choose is randomized, colored squares, every time that page is refreshed. So I picked a square; it gave me a topic. 

My first try, it said, "What is the number one problem with society?" 

Where. Do. I. Start???

The first thing to come to my mind is organized religion... Now, before all'z yall'z go throwin' your pitch forks and ablaze torches at me, I just want to explain...

I am not trying to convert anyone in anyway. You will take these words as you will. As food for thought, as a new perspective, or as complete bull. Nothing I say is in offense to any particular religion, it's just the way I see things. This blog is just an outlet and a way for the people in my life to understand my beliefs, lifestyle, and reasons I do things the way I do. Without hate, without negativity, without discrimination. Just simply speaking my mind on the issues, while allowing readers to still be entitled to their own belief system. Without offense, or arrogance; or sounding condescending by butting in my opinion over yours... That is the beauty of this. I can write my thoughts, and you can write yours. No judgement... Unless you're an ass. Then there will be judgement ;P.

Now that that disclosure is over...

How do I begin? 

I grew up Mormon. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints... I have always believed in God. Or... Something higher. Whether 'God' be a man or a woman. Faith or chance. Spirit, thought, kindness, or light. A blonde haired, blue eyed or dark haired, dark skinned being? Whether we're created in his image in a spiritual, soulful way or physical... My theories are always changing... But, honestly, that's what I feel is the beauty of it. I am always thinking up ways this world can be more magical... 

Even to the point of believing that Aliens, yes, Aliens, are part of this Godly plan... I have always believed that you kind of have to be pretty naive and self centered to think that we are the ONLY living beings in the billions and billions and billions of universes. How is that possible? Without sounding too pessimistic, we are not even a dust particle in size compared to the possibilities of other worlds and universes out there... How can we be the ONLY ONES? We can't. There is too much room for just us... I believe they are part of God's plan. Maybe the ARE the plan. Maybe they ARE 'God'? 

BUT we'll get into this topic another day... My point today is... WHAT'S WRONG WITH A LITTLE MYSTERY?? What's wrong with just accepting the unknown and letting the world take it's course. Living your life with your loving family and friends. Embracing the love and light this 'God' has engulfed around us? Why do we have to have a label on every single belief system that only differentiates by one simple scripture? Why can't we all just agree on loving one another and accepting that everyone does things different? No one gets hurt. No one dies. Every war that has ever been fought is created by disagreement of cultures, beliefs, religion and the way people do things. 

Going back to my upbringing, my family wasn't exactly the most religiously active bunch in the neighborhood... They taught me right from wrong, discipline, affection, and laughter. Everything a child needs to grow mentally. 

I remember one night my Mom and Grandma were sitting on the sofa, right after the sun went down, they were watching some kind of special on Christ. I don't know if it was a PBS special, something LDS made, or something from the History channel, but I do know I wasn't paying much attention. I was too busy with my Linkin Logs, or Barbies, or whatever it was I was goofing with... I remember I was wearing my Barney 'Long-John' PJs, it was close to bed time, I guess they were just finishing this episode off before they sent me to bed. The beauty of commercial breaks ;P. 

But I remember sitting there with whatever I was playing with, looked up at the TV; then dropped whatever I was holding... 

Remember, at this young age, I'm not supposed to know what the hell religion is, who 'God' is, let alone Jesus Christ. I wasn't raised into that yet... I was just taught to be kind and share your cookies. ;) 

Toward the end of the special, they showed a final photo of Christ in his tan and red robe, smiling at the camera slightly. End credits rolling in white lettering up the side of the screen. I looked up at the TV screen and I remember standing up, dropping my toys, and walking right over to that TV and gave it a huge, big, hug. Cheek to glass. I remember looking at my mom and grandma, both with streams of tears rolling down their faces. 

I remember thinking, "What are they crying about?" Then returning to my toys. Just because it was so normal to me. My spiritual veil hadn't been closed yet. I mean, it should have, by then. But honestly, even to this day it hasn't. 

I still have a hard time getting others to understand how I see things because of this: lack of veil, thing. 

How can you disregard God or Christ after that? 

So. As I said. I have always kept them in my heart and and have always prayed for their guidance and light. BUT I don't use it as an excuse to judge others who are different than me. I don't use my intuition as a jab against others who might not believe. That is what bugs me. I see these groups of religion and church, and they discourage homosexuality and choice and difference in political party, and they shun them. 

Not all, individuals of these groups, but in a nutshell, the actual church does believe this way... Shouldn't it be the other way around?? Shouldn't they be accepting of all options of loving others and choice and happiness? Free will? As long as no one is getting hurt? No one dying??

Separation of church and state is becoming obsolete. It's becoming the standard...  I've grown up in this town too long to believe that misplaced judgement is in the eyes of the beholder... It's everywhere. 

I am Spiritual. Healing. Accepting. Loving. Out Spoken. Loyal. And will never judge you on your religious beliefs... Just on how you treat others, me, and yourself... I don't take orders from a God that tells me that "A woman should be silent in the house of God and should never take authority over a man."- Corinthians 14:34. Or a God that is Proud and Envious, Jealous or with any other human characteristic. 

I do not take orders from a God that tells me that I am committing adultery if  I married a man who is divorced from an abusive woman... -Luke 16:18 

I do not take orders from a God who tells me that if I disobey him he'll order me to eat my children?? -Leviticus 26: 27-30 What is that??

Anyway, then these groups decide that the old testament is too harsh... Ya think? 

So they write a new one... One of love and Christ and happy la de da... They make their rules so when one commandment doesn't go along with a certain testament, they read from the other one for proof. 

Religion is not about spreading gospel and faith... It's about who's right and who's wrong. 


It all just doesn't make sense to me. I'll just be a happy mother and be kind to others... I choose THAT religion...  Yes. I pick that one... The one with no label. Just kindness and enlightenment. 

God will always be my compass... Christ will always be my savior. They are not selfish, jealous, full of pride, greed, envy or anger... They are love, acceptance, kindness and selflessness. They will always love me and stand by my decisions. I just have to be the best person I can be... 

Stay Colorful

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

The Dad I Never Had...

Duane Martin

I miss Duane.  I do everyday. Not to discredit my little brother in anyway. I know he is more heartbroken and still healing from his death and that's absolutely understandable. Duane was not my Biological Father, as much as I wish he was, but alas, I don't choose these things in this place we call 'Life.' Duane is my Brother's Biological Father, Dad, Daddy, Da Da. But I never got that. I never had that Father Figure in my life. Which is fine! It's made me who I am. And made me the strong woman I always strive to be. But him being my Brother's dad, he was around enough for me to kind of grow that bond with him over time. 

Of course there was the times where my mom and him would get in fights and I'd be on moms side because... She's my mom ;)  Times I was just a little kid trying to fit in with the grown ups and get mad at him for something I don't even know what the heck they were fighting about. But he'd come around again for his visitation for my brother, and honestly, how can you stay mad at that puppy dog face? You can't. He always found his way back on your good list. Not in a bad or manipulative way, at all. Just in a charismatic, you know you love me, I'm sorry about the other night,  way ;) .

Now, my mom didn't always fall for it... Hardly ever. But me, a little girl, desperate for a daddy, ALWAYS fell for it :) He was never a bad dad, never hurtful to us, always wrestled in the living room and watched batman beyond with River and I. I remember when he tried to teach me guitar... What a bust that was... Haha. But he was putting that effort and pride into teaching me something new. Even though I was a lost cause with the guitar ;P. I remember when I was REALLY little, I was over at his house and he was showing off his guitar collection to me and River... I remember thinking, "Whoa... Duane's a Rockstar in disguise!" 

I remember when my mom and her, at the time, best friend were in a big fight. I mean a almost a year long silence. And he was actually the one who convinced mom to call her and got them talking again. He was always the peace maker. While at the same time, teasingly cocky with the  'I'm awesome' attitude. 

He always made us laugh. He was so so great with kids. I never felt left out when he was around. Except, of course, when he would leave with River and not me. But I always had that bond with Duane. Like he was one of the few men in my life that helped fill that hole. That missing, no dad, hole. 

...

Every chance he gets, he will come through in a Medium Session. He's come through in River's session, my mom's private session, Mine, and even classes I've been to. During these he's always let me know how much of a daughter I was to him. That the blood relation doesn't mean anything... He told me that he knows and feels me miss him every single day. And it's true. I pray for his guidance and light everyday. When I'm having a bad day, alone in my car; he's who I go to. He knew about the relationships I had phased out. He knew I was doing what was best for me and stood by me. He knew about Burke and how much he adores her and feels like she is my world, my constant, my hero. She brought me to reality and the beauty of motherhood. He knew about my husband, and how he pulled me out of the darkness. He told me how proud he was of me, as a Dad would. Everything I need to hear from a father.

I was taught how to practice my connections at home in my most recent class. And so I did. I thought about the love I feel for Duane. The healing and Gods warm light. I thought about all my chakras aligning and energizing and my forehead felt like someone was lightly pushing on it with their finger, my third eye. 

So when I was finished with asking for messages to come only through God's light, I felt Duane around. My blood shifted and my arms felt warm. Acknowledging his presence was the first baby step for me. So asking questions and getting answers is all new and jumbled to me. 

Pictures, images, and scenes kept popping up in my mind. All I could focus on was some kind of car crash or close call with one, or even just the inside of a car, looking out the windshield on a rainy night. It was something he was feeling guilty for but I couldn't put my finger on it. And my head was already jumbled and new to all of this information. But I do remember this specific conversation very clearly, I said, ''Duane, I wish..." and immediately, I heard an interruption from him saying, "Call me 'Dad'." I kind of just sat there and responded..."I don't know how River would feel about that..." Then all I heard back was... "Give him time." 

I sat there kind of stunned and confused and started to close my portal for the night and told him I loved him, and that I wished him and mom had a better relationship while he was here on earth... I heard back, "We will." My mom was so happy to hear that ;) . 

There are so many people who love and miss Duane... He touched so many lives. He would have made an excellent Grandpa for my Burke. Regardless of blood relation. 

He will always have that place in my heart. 

My life has changed for the better these passed few months. I've accepted that I am meant to learn this work and help everyone who will let me. Including myself. 

Even with the knowledge I have of this work, I still find my self starstruck with amazement. He'll still give me goosebumps. To this day, without fail, every time I ask him for guidance and strength, "Come Sail Away" by Styx pops on the radio...  That is the only answer I need.

He will always be a Dad to me. 

Stay Colorful.

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

Photo Credit: Julie Denter and Jill Rigby