To whomever it concerns...

So, I've been reflecting a lot on my past, lately. Yes, I know that it is in the past and I can't change it. So, I was inspired to write it all down. I have been looking over passed relationships with friends and I can't help but feel guilty. I know I shouldn't. These particular people had been toxic in my life. I had every right to burn those bridges for my own personal protection. I don't regret that part. I am who I am today because of that toxicity, though. The problem is, how can I go on preaching love, acceptance and forgiveness, if I have these bad endings of friendships? 

Never again, would I ever go back to these friendships. I am happy. I have an amazing, adorable and loving husband that provides everything I need, at any cost, emotionally, physically, maritally, and mentally. He worships the ground I walk on. And I worship him right back. In all things. In all faults and qualities. He has given me a beautiful daughter. Who, I just can't express more, is my everything... She slaps me in the face when I'm feeling "Woe is me." She grounds me. She is my rock and my constant thing I can count on in this life; Alongside her dad. So, I'm not sad. I'm not resentful. My family, my animals, my home, my job, everything I have worked for in this marriage, has been a success, in abundance. 

As I said, I would never allow myself to fizzle back into that dark, unhappy place. In those same friend circles. But how can I move forward in my spiritual healing, if I have not completely healed, myself? I don't know. That is the ultimate question. Most of these people would LOVE to never hear from me again. I was not a nice teenager... I was very jaded and broken. I was so desperate for attention... It was exhausting. The only ones willing to stick around during my hell, was my family, of course, and my two best friends, one, whom I had to scratch my way back to her and apologize for my stupidity. And the other I lost from Leukemia in August '14, before I could mend what tension her and I had... I don't know if I can carry that heavy of guilt again. That almost tore me apart.

What I'm trying to get at is, to anyone that may randomly look at my facebook, from time to time, (I'm sure I've stalked yours too) or checked my instagram, this blogger account, any of you that we have obviously went our separate ways, separated with negative closure, I hope you see this. I'm sorry for leaving things the way I did. Both parties could have handled things better. I feel we have moved on and are doing quite well for ourselves. But we can't hide the fact that if we ran in to one another in a grocery store, our stomachs would drop. All that anxiety, all that irritability, hatred; It's not healthy. We've created our own little new families, relationships, partners, friend circles, coworkers, groups, etc. beautifully. I'd just like to congratulate you.  Thank you for the great memories we DID share. And I apologize for my stubborn, prideful, hateful random acts of immaturity. Thank you for the laughs. And I hope your life is filled with happiness, health, and grace. Let's go on with our own lives with clarity. Farewell. 

Stay colorful.

Purple Psyche

Brandyne White