Christmas is Coming!

Christmas is coming and I could not be more excited! I love Christmas. Yes, in my high school, rebel days, I hated it. I hated what it had become. The "Gimme gimme gimme" mindset that most children these days are set on. I didn't hate it because it was too much cheer for my hormonal teenage brain could handle; I was more irritated that kids didn't even know what the season of giving was even about. Even adults have the idea of celebration on Christmas all wrong... The misconception of Christmas is that Christmas is when Jesus was born. And we celebrate that. When in reality "Jesus’s birthday was probably in the fall. It was actually the winter solstice festival that was co-opted by the Church and renamed “Christmas”. But I mean, the Yule log, the tree, even Santa’s red suit – that’s all remnants of pagan worship." As Sam Winchester has taught me ;). 

But! That's not the point. The point is once you have kids... Your whole outlook on Christmas, Birthdays, Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, etc., changes. You become this Holiday Nazi. Everything has to be perfect. Every wreath, garland, ornament, and gift have to be in place. So your kids can have a memorable and happy Christmas... It becomes a kind of game. How great of a Christmas can you make this year? Not to say you have to spoil the kids. No need for over abundance of gifts. Just affection, spending time, and laughter. Sounds cheesy, but it's true. That's what this whole season is about. Spending time with friends and family. Cuddling up in a blanket with hot cocoa, and snow falling outside, reading a good book. Making snow men, and Christmas crafts. Driving around, looking at all the Christmas lights. For us, Utahns, taking a trip up to Salt Lake City and wandering through Temple Square, lit from the ground up with vibrant lights. The tradition in my little family is grabbing Moochies on the way up, a philly and sub joint in South Salt Lake, it's incredible. 

And we can't forget Christmas Eve. I get more excited for this day than the actual Christmas Day... Our family tradition, having a great family get together. With ham, kick back a few beers, board games and sibling rivalry. Who's cheating this year? Opening our one Eve Christmas Gift; which is ALWAYS pjs. I remember as a kid, I would always try  to be sneaky and grab a gift that couldn't POSSIBLY be pjs for my one Eve Gift. Turns out, my mom was smarter that my little 6 year old self, and boxed them up to trick me. So I would save the toys for Christmas Day. Also, what would I have worn to bed? Mom knows what she's doing. ;)

Back on the sibling rivalry... Every year, we play some kind of board game, or card game. Our family's favorite currently is Cards Against Humanity... Figures, right? Or that one game that where you have nouns written on a pieces of paper, and you stick them on your forehead, without looking at them, and you have to try and ask what you are... I don't have any clue what that game is called. I think my mom kind of made it up :P. Anyway, without fail, either me and MY brother, or my mom and my uncle, get in a screaming match of, "You're cheating!" "You can't do that! That's too much information!" "That's not part of the rules!" "It don't matter how young he is, he doesn't get a freebie!" ... ... ... As chaotic as this routine gets every year... It's something I long for, every season. It is all harmless fun. I love every little quirk my family has. My cousins sitting back, laughing at all that is going down, my little brother and sister fighting about who gets the last piece of Christmas candy. My grandma absent mindedly cleaning up the kitchen. Me constantly telling her to go sit down ;).  I love it. The whole spirit... 

I love the day of Christmas, the family time. Watching others gasp at a gift they truly love... Not in a selfish, snooty, gimme way... But a genuine, thankful way... 

Christmas is just another reminder, to me, that family is forever... And Christ's light is always around... 

I was talking to my Grandma about the meaning of life the other day... She was wondering what this whole thing was for... And I was able to answer... Without any bitter words or resentment... 

I believe this world is about acceptance... Love. With no judgement. Being able to wish good fortune on someone, with no ulterior motive. Being happy for someone's achievements with no hidden bitterness. Loving each other, not only as you want to be loved, but just because it's the decent thing to do... With no hate... No prejudice. 

Creation. Reproduction... Teaching your offspring this same gospel... Beauty in everything... 

Finally, and certainly not least... Growing everyday, learning everyday to be a better person. Being the best you can be each day. 

Stay Colorful

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

Wilson vs. Ferguson

Does... Nobody remember I am married to an man who was in Law Enforcement? Does no one care to think, "Oh, Brandyne's husband used to be a cop, let's ask her what her opinion on this case is." No. When there is a heated discussion, the only thing people are thinking about is their rebuttal, striking down the most recent offensive statement, and getting in that last word. Throwing a few insults in, here and there. All anyone cares about is hearing themselves talk. Keyword: themselves. 

Not to be self pitying or woe is me, by any means. It's just fact. When people are debating, the goal is to win... No matter what information is correct or how much experience/education another party has... No whining. Just fact. 

But... At the same time, as everyone is bickering about this tragic event, I'm standing here asking, "Has any single one of these people, actually been in this cop's situation? Do any of these people understand the weight of being a Cop's wife? The amount of PTSD I have, caused by the severe and traumatic PTSD my husband has endured? Have any of these people been in a life and death situation, where their every move effects the odds of going home to your loving family or a body bag? Has any of these people thought to themselves, 'Should I gain some perspective? Maybe not EVERY thing I believe is gospel...' "

I'm standing there knowing that these people are ripping each other's throats out over this, and these people know nothing... They have not sat at home praying their husband walks in the door at night... They have not sent their spouse off to work, with that quiet heartbreak everyday, knowing that this day may be your last with him... Scared shitless. Praying that when he DOES come home, his cop switch is turned off so you don't have to tip toe around and trigger a fight with him. They have never restrained someone with the thought in their head that if they move in the slightest wrong way, they can be killed; this bad guy can turn your whole life into just brains slaughtered into the concrete... 

The last thing a cop wants to do is resort to using their weapon... Any time a cop has to pull out his gun, it's not going to be a good time... A law enforcement officer is not trained to use his gun just to maim, or injure. They are trained to stop a threat in it's tracks by a shot straight into 'mid mass', the center of the chest. If that means shooting someone who tries to grab your gun from inside the cop car, then resist arrest, WHILE talking smack and hate back to the officer, then charging at the officer, so be it... He was doing what was in his training to protect himself and others around him. HE is going home that night. The officer is going to his family. He did what he needed to to make that happen. Yes, the kid had a family, as well. But frankly, he should have complied with the officer with respect for the law. I mean, he was stopped in the first place for stealing mini cigars, for hell's sake. The kid had JUST robbed a convenient store! Sweet guy... 

Citizens may reject my opinion by saying there was less violent ways of detaining the student. Yes, this may be true, but what's happened has happened... But! What else would you suggest? This kid ended up charging at him and pulling his hands out of his pockets... No cop EVER is going to say to himself, "Oh, okay. Let's just wait and see what he pulls out of his pocket... I don't know if it's nothing, a gun, a detonator, a grenade, a lighter, knife, or even a lollipop. I don't know! But let's wait and see! What's the worst that can happen?? Go ahead, I'll wait for you." Or, "Oh, here, thief! I want you to trust me as an officer and protector of your society, here's my gun to show you how serious I am about that." If  ever such an officer was to exist, he wouldn't for long. 

I don't even see a REASON for this town to be angry... The cop did his job and did it to the best of his ability. He apologized to the family, sincerely. Now he must have a National Guard escort, everywhere he goes. Oh, and to add a cherry on top of it all, him and his wife are expecting a baby. Let's just put an innocent infant at fault here, shall we? If  peace won't be spread for the officers sake, spread peace and forgiveness to this baby and his wife. 

These riots are SO misplaced... Fix violence by creating violence. That's pretty much all I have to say about that. It's too ridiculous and pointless to even talk about. Let's just not blow up buildings in response to that hate you are supposedly wanting to resolve... Done. 

I heard something today that just ABSOLUTELY boiled my blood... Someone said that the white people need to get what's coming to them. A mass riot. A racial attack. Something to make it even with all the rest of us. They need to suffer too. 

So... Did the holocaust like, not happen? Are the Jewish bot part of the 'white' category? Pearl Harbor? 9/11? J. Stalin? No? Doesn't ring a bell? Regardless, is it just me? Or is the 'White' race moving more towards putting slavery in the past than the actual 'Black' race? The only time I have ever heard any one being racist, it's always the one's hating on the 'White' community. I feel like we are trying to move forward, but other races keep pulling us back into that hole. That stigma. We can't crawl out of it... 

My point is, Stop the Hate. It creates most problems, and has solved none. Allow this Officer to live his life with his family in peace, and let this strengthen them. Bless the family of this kid with forgiveness and humility... 

Being a Cop's wife, and recent life events, both have taught me that life is just too short. Life can be taken from you in an instant. Life would take a lot longer to be stolen if everyone just.... Got along. 

Rant Over.

Stay colorful.

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

Uh, oh. Religion.

I had a hankering to write about something tonight. I think I might be getting addicted to this thing ;). But I couldn't think up what to write about. I knew I wanted to speak out. But I couldn't figure out what was bothering me... So I went straight to the source where only answers are found... Google. 

Yes. I resorted to Google. Asking, " What should I write about?" A search I had no expectation of finding something deep enough or personal enough to write  about. But! I surprisingly find that Buzzfeed has EVERYTHING.  Anyone who knows me, knows I. LOVE. BUZZFEED. I like all their pages on Facebook, I play most of their quizzes, I share all of their videos, and read all of their articles. I have now proved that they know everything. ;) The point is, they have a quiz that asks one question and one question only; "What do I write?" And the answer you choose is randomized, colored squares, every time that page is refreshed. So I picked a square; it gave me a topic. 

My first try, it said, "What is the number one problem with society?" 

Where. Do. I. Start???

The first thing to come to my mind is organized religion... Now, before all'z yall'z go throwin' your pitch forks and ablaze torches at me, I just want to explain...

I am not trying to convert anyone in anyway. You will take these words as you will. As food for thought, as a new perspective, or as complete bull. Nothing I say is in offense to any particular religion, it's just the way I see things. This blog is just an outlet and a way for the people in my life to understand my beliefs, lifestyle, and reasons I do things the way I do. Without hate, without negativity, without discrimination. Just simply speaking my mind on the issues, while allowing readers to still be entitled to their own belief system. Without offense, or arrogance; or sounding condescending by butting in my opinion over yours... That is the beauty of this. I can write my thoughts, and you can write yours. No judgement... Unless you're an ass. Then there will be judgement ;P.

Now that that disclosure is over...

How do I begin? 

I grew up Mormon. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints... I have always believed in God. Or... Something higher. Whether 'God' be a man or a woman. Faith or chance. Spirit, thought, kindness, or light. A blonde haired, blue eyed or dark haired, dark skinned being? Whether we're created in his image in a spiritual, soulful way or physical... My theories are always changing... But, honestly, that's what I feel is the beauty of it. I am always thinking up ways this world can be more magical... 

Even to the point of believing that Aliens, yes, Aliens, are part of this Godly plan... I have always believed that you kind of have to be pretty naive and self centered to think that we are the ONLY living beings in the billions and billions and billions of universes. How is that possible? Without sounding too pessimistic, we are not even a dust particle in size compared to the possibilities of other worlds and universes out there... How can we be the ONLY ONES? We can't. There is too much room for just us... I believe they are part of God's plan. Maybe the ARE the plan. Maybe they ARE 'God'? 

BUT we'll get into this topic another day... My point today is... WHAT'S WRONG WITH A LITTLE MYSTERY?? What's wrong with just accepting the unknown and letting the world take it's course. Living your life with your loving family and friends. Embracing the love and light this 'God' has engulfed around us? Why do we have to have a label on every single belief system that only differentiates by one simple scripture? Why can't we all just agree on loving one another and accepting that everyone does things different? No one gets hurt. No one dies. Every war that has ever been fought is created by disagreement of cultures, beliefs, religion and the way people do things. 

Going back to my upbringing, my family wasn't exactly the most religiously active bunch in the neighborhood... They taught me right from wrong, discipline, affection, and laughter. Everything a child needs to grow mentally. 

I remember one night my Mom and Grandma were sitting on the sofa, right after the sun went down, they were watching some kind of special on Christ. I don't know if it was a PBS special, something LDS made, or something from the History channel, but I do know I wasn't paying much attention. I was too busy with my Linkin Logs, or Barbies, or whatever it was I was goofing with... I remember I was wearing my Barney 'Long-John' PJs, it was close to bed time, I guess they were just finishing this episode off before they sent me to bed. The beauty of commercial breaks ;P. 

But I remember sitting there with whatever I was playing with, looked up at the TV; then dropped whatever I was holding... 

Remember, at this young age, I'm not supposed to know what the hell religion is, who 'God' is, let alone Jesus Christ. I wasn't raised into that yet... I was just taught to be kind and share your cookies. ;) 

Toward the end of the special, they showed a final photo of Christ in his tan and red robe, smiling at the camera slightly. End credits rolling in white lettering up the side of the screen. I looked up at the TV screen and I remember standing up, dropping my toys, and walking right over to that TV and gave it a huge, big, hug. Cheek to glass. I remember looking at my mom and grandma, both with streams of tears rolling down their faces. 

I remember thinking, "What are they crying about?" Then returning to my toys. Just because it was so normal to me. My spiritual veil hadn't been closed yet. I mean, it should have, by then. But honestly, even to this day it hasn't. 

I still have a hard time getting others to understand how I see things because of this: lack of veil, thing. 

How can you disregard God or Christ after that? 

So. As I said. I have always kept them in my heart and and have always prayed for their guidance and light. BUT I don't use it as an excuse to judge others who are different than me. I don't use my intuition as a jab against others who might not believe. That is what bugs me. I see these groups of religion and church, and they discourage homosexuality and choice and difference in political party, and they shun them. 

Not all, individuals of these groups, but in a nutshell, the actual church does believe this way... Shouldn't it be the other way around?? Shouldn't they be accepting of all options of loving others and choice and happiness? Free will? As long as no one is getting hurt? No one dying??

Separation of church and state is becoming obsolete. It's becoming the standard...  I've grown up in this town too long to believe that misplaced judgement is in the eyes of the beholder... It's everywhere. 

I am Spiritual. Healing. Accepting. Loving. Out Spoken. Loyal. And will never judge you on your religious beliefs... Just on how you treat others, me, and yourself... I don't take orders from a God that tells me that "A woman should be silent in the house of God and should never take authority over a man."- Corinthians 14:34. Or a God that is Proud and Envious, Jealous or with any other human characteristic. 

I do not take orders from a God that tells me that I am committing adultery if  I married a man who is divorced from an abusive woman... -Luke 16:18 

I do not take orders from a God who tells me that if I disobey him he'll order me to eat my children?? -Leviticus 26: 27-30 What is that??

Anyway, then these groups decide that the old testament is too harsh... Ya think? 

So they write a new one... One of love and Christ and happy la de da... They make their rules so when one commandment doesn't go along with a certain testament, they read from the other one for proof. 

Religion is not about spreading gospel and faith... It's about who's right and who's wrong. 


It all just doesn't make sense to me. I'll just be a happy mother and be kind to others... I choose THAT religion...  Yes. I pick that one... The one with no label. Just kindness and enlightenment. 

God will always be my compass... Christ will always be my savior. They are not selfish, jealous, full of pride, greed, envy or anger... They are love, acceptance, kindness and selflessness. They will always love me and stand by my decisions. I just have to be the best person I can be... 

Stay Colorful

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

The Dad I Never Had...

Duane Martin

I miss Duane.  I do everyday. Not to discredit my little brother in anyway. I know he is more heartbroken and still healing from his death and that's absolutely understandable. Duane was not my Biological Father, as much as I wish he was, but alas, I don't choose these things in this place we call 'Life.' Duane is my Brother's Biological Father, Dad, Daddy, Da Da. But I never got that. I never had that Father Figure in my life. Which is fine! It's made me who I am. And made me the strong woman I always strive to be. But him being my Brother's dad, he was around enough for me to kind of grow that bond with him over time. 

Of course there was the times where my mom and him would get in fights and I'd be on moms side because... She's my mom ;)  Times I was just a little kid trying to fit in with the grown ups and get mad at him for something I don't even know what the heck they were fighting about. But he'd come around again for his visitation for my brother, and honestly, how can you stay mad at that puppy dog face? You can't. He always found his way back on your good list. Not in a bad or manipulative way, at all. Just in a charismatic, you know you love me, I'm sorry about the other night,  way ;) .

Now, my mom didn't always fall for it... Hardly ever. But me, a little girl, desperate for a daddy, ALWAYS fell for it :) He was never a bad dad, never hurtful to us, always wrestled in the living room and watched batman beyond with River and I. I remember when he tried to teach me guitar... What a bust that was... Haha. But he was putting that effort and pride into teaching me something new. Even though I was a lost cause with the guitar ;P. I remember when I was REALLY little, I was over at his house and he was showing off his guitar collection to me and River... I remember thinking, "Whoa... Duane's a Rockstar in disguise!" 

I remember when my mom and her, at the time, best friend were in a big fight. I mean a almost a year long silence. And he was actually the one who convinced mom to call her and got them talking again. He was always the peace maker. While at the same time, teasingly cocky with the  'I'm awesome' attitude. 

He always made us laugh. He was so so great with kids. I never felt left out when he was around. Except, of course, when he would leave with River and not me. But I always had that bond with Duane. Like he was one of the few men in my life that helped fill that hole. That missing, no dad, hole. 

...

Every chance he gets, he will come through in a Medium Session. He's come through in River's session, my mom's private session, Mine, and even classes I've been to. During these he's always let me know how much of a daughter I was to him. That the blood relation doesn't mean anything... He told me that he knows and feels me miss him every single day. And it's true. I pray for his guidance and light everyday. When I'm having a bad day, alone in my car; he's who I go to. He knew about the relationships I had phased out. He knew I was doing what was best for me and stood by me. He knew about Burke and how much he adores her and feels like she is my world, my constant, my hero. She brought me to reality and the beauty of motherhood. He knew about my husband, and how he pulled me out of the darkness. He told me how proud he was of me, as a Dad would. Everything I need to hear from a father.

I was taught how to practice my connections at home in my most recent class. And so I did. I thought about the love I feel for Duane. The healing and Gods warm light. I thought about all my chakras aligning and energizing and my forehead felt like someone was lightly pushing on it with their finger, my third eye. 

So when I was finished with asking for messages to come only through God's light, I felt Duane around. My blood shifted and my arms felt warm. Acknowledging his presence was the first baby step for me. So asking questions and getting answers is all new and jumbled to me. 

Pictures, images, and scenes kept popping up in my mind. All I could focus on was some kind of car crash or close call with one, or even just the inside of a car, looking out the windshield on a rainy night. It was something he was feeling guilty for but I couldn't put my finger on it. And my head was already jumbled and new to all of this information. But I do remember this specific conversation very clearly, I said, ''Duane, I wish..." and immediately, I heard an interruption from him saying, "Call me 'Dad'." I kind of just sat there and responded..."I don't know how River would feel about that..." Then all I heard back was... "Give him time." 

I sat there kind of stunned and confused and started to close my portal for the night and told him I loved him, and that I wished him and mom had a better relationship while he was here on earth... I heard back, "We will." My mom was so happy to hear that ;) . 

There are so many people who love and miss Duane... He touched so many lives. He would have made an excellent Grandpa for my Burke. Regardless of blood relation. 

He will always have that place in my heart. 

My life has changed for the better these passed few months. I've accepted that I am meant to learn this work and help everyone who will let me. Including myself. 

Even with the knowledge I have of this work, I still find my self starstruck with amazement. He'll still give me goosebumps. To this day, without fail, every time I ask him for guidance and strength, "Come Sail Away" by Styx pops on the radio...  That is the only answer I need.

He will always be a Dad to me. 

Stay Colorful.

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

Photo Credit: Julie Denter and Jill Rigby

A Whisper In the Ear

Candice Jo

I have a best friend. Candice. She recently passed away from Leukemia. She was just a few months older than me... Yeah. I know. Leukemia at 22 years old... I, still, to this day, have a hard time believing this is real life. 

We laughed so hard and about such nonsense :')... She was always the optimistic one. She was always lifting my spirits up. Even when I would roll my eyes, and shrug off her wisdom on the outside. Like the big 'Tough Girl' I like to think I am ;). She brought out the best in me. Things I didn't want to see in myself. Simply, because I didn't feel worth it. So wise and hopeful, beyond her years... 

We met Sophomore year of high school. Clicked instantly. We went to college together, watched stupid, scary movies; and of course Tommy Boy, School of Rock, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, and the awesomeness of The Emperor's New Groove. We lived together several times and it was either me, or her that got homesick and moved back to our home town. Once again, separated. Before her death. Quite a while before. We sort of separated onto different life paths. I moved to California, got married, had a baby, and went on with my grown up life... She moved back to Kansas. Back to her four wheeling, family get together's, friends, and her own books, room, and life there.

Then she got sick... I guess I just figured she had caught it early. That they would be able to pull her through. I also just assumed she'd be too stubborn to pass ;) . . . But I guess that's not how the after life works ;). I started harboring deep, heavy guilt over her death. All these thoughts and questions wouldn't leave my head... I should have spent more time with her. How will she ever forgive me? How can I forgive myself? Does she know that I'm sorry? I should have called. I should have went to see her. I should have done more. I should have told her how I feel, how much I did appreciate and love her... Etc. Etc.

The day she died (August 18th), I was working. Around 4-6pm I felt so heavy. I felt dizzy, like a light cloud and fogginess surrounding me. I felt as if someone was standing right next to me. Saying goodbye. And I instantly thought of Candice. That whole day and the day prior, I had a sick feeling. A feeling of loss. I knew exactly where these thoughts were rooting from. I knew Candice wouldn't make it. I knew her soul was around, already. Slipping away. I didn't want to think that way, though. I didn't want to live in that world without her. So, I refused to put myself there. At 9pm, the day I felt the dizziness, her cousin relayed the bad news to me in a heartbreaking message, that Candice had passed away at 5:30pm. 

Along with other loved ones, I needed her to come through during my session with my Medium; very soon after she had passed. Of course, she answered my prayer. The father of my brother (also, deceased)  introduced her presence as 'a friend that's passed away.' Of course I just lost it. I was so ecstatic to feel her around again, but feel her presence in a higher light. 

She told me that she knows how guilty and heavy her death has been to me... She understood that I had wished I could have spent more time. She insisted that she holds no hard feelings or resentment whatsoever and actually, wanted to tell me that SHE is sorry... For what? I don't know. I just want the time I lost back... Of course, I can't think that way. That, is what is going to be the hardest on facing her death... Wanting her back. 

Candice also mentioned that she's happy, not suffering and peaceful. She wanted me to relay the message to her family and friends that she loves them... I asked how her hair looked; I was so devastated for her... She loved her hair, and to lose it, so fast, I knew it just broke her heart. She replied 'long.' She continued to explain in her cheerful, giggly tone that the great thing about this 'place' is she can do what ever she wants with it. If she wants it short, she can make it short, long, straight, curly, etc. She can do what ever she wants with it... She also giggled, bragging about how skinny she is ;'). She always had a hard time with her body. Self loathing. But now she believes she is the perfect vision of herself :). She, however, didn't realize how important her body was, in this life. She felt like that self loathing is what made her sick in her physical body... Which... Makes sense. She pointed to me and all who was in the room with me, at the time, and said along the lines of, "Love yourself. It is so important understand how beautiful this body is. And what a gift it is. No more negativity." She said that she would whisper it to me in my ear that she is around, when I'm feeling good about myself... She told me how much she loved me, and skipped away... On her merry little way :').

About 5 days ago. I was driving home from the closing shift. And I was just in a chipper mood, singing, dancing in the car. All by myself, like an idiot ;). But I didn't care. I was dancing and singing my heart out to the current 'overplayed' song on the radio, "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7PCkvCPvDXk ). I was rocking out to the verse:

Yeah, it's pretty clear, I ain't no size two
But I can shake it, shake it
Like I'm supposed to do
'Cause I got that boom boom that all the boys chase
And all the right junk in all the right places

. . .

Then it happened. She was right next to me. Rocking out and obnoxiously singing and dancing with me. Like we always have. A "whisper in the ear" was a bit of an understatement, I'd say... ;') 

I love you, Girly. Rest In Peace. Fly high. "See ya. On the other side..." :)

Stay Colorful.

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

The Wheat Field...

The Wheat Field...

So, as my few readers know, I went to a Vibrations/ Healing Connections class last night. I think I might have had my first message-thing, come through during it... But, in order for you to understand, you need the back story... 

I first met my medium thanks to my mother. Got to give her her credit ;P. I had recently lost loved ones and felt I needed some closure... During the end of the session, I asked, "My daughter just looks up, and talks to space. Who do you think that is?" 

She replied eagerly, "You have a son..." I, taken aback, consider the possibility of pregnancy. I knew that was impossible and exclaimed, "WHAT? No, I Don't!" 

"Well, I feel a strong little boy present. And I feel like he's your son." 

"That's who she's talking to?"

"I think so... :)"

My son. Eager to join us on earth.

I, of course, was so moved by this that I just broke down. But this was not the only time this little boy came through. During another session with my mom, he came through again. Along side my Great Grandpa. My medium explained to my mom later how incredible that was. She explained, "This just doesn't happen... Usually they're just patiently waiting up there in Heaven and when the time comes, they are like, 'Okay!' Usually, they are not so eager; They are just , 'okay, if you want to.' But this little boy is so eager! He is ready for [Brandyne] to open that door. When she is ready! ;) This is just not normal."

...

I have always been sensitive to this kind of thing... I have always felt I didn't belong to this world. That there was always something bigger. I have always felt the universe is beyond magical... It's like I walked into a Lord of the Rings book. But without the violence. Just serenity, happiness, content and peace. Love, majesty, Godliness, and spirituality. 

The second I walked into my first session I knew she (My Medium) was going to notice this sensitivity in me. She even brought it up several times that I need to develop the gift. So, I am. I went to this class to expand my abilities. I loved it, to say the least. 

...

At the beginning of every session or class she hosts a moment of silence. A meditation or prayer. 2 minutes of self love and acceptance, peace and Christ's light.

During this, I was clearing my head of all negativity. But there was a specific image that kept coming through, that would not leave my mind, no matter how many times I tried to clear it. The scene would come back more and more clear each time I tried to just focus on the meditation. I, finally, just let it come through.

It was a little boy. Maybe 2 or 3 years old. At least the illusion of a 2-3 year old. He was standing, at a distance, in a tall wheat field. With the warm, orange sun illuminating behind him. I only could see his silhouette. But he was tilting his head innocently, while twirling a wheat grain in his little fingers... He was just staring at me. I felt so warm, so loved and blessed. This rush of emotion just flooded over me. My son? Maybe. :) Or maybe it was an older relative as a child, hinting me to get my son IN MAH BELLEH! ;P 

Either way, I was so grateful for my first known message from the other side... :)

More to come; 

Stay Colorful

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

                          

The Beginning of an Outlet...

The Beginning of an Outlet...

Sometimes I don't know how to put things into verbal words... It's like I'm swimming in a swamp of thoughts, emotions, and feelings... Then the worries, doubt, confusion and frustration pull me under. I'm not saying I'm depressed or anything. It's just natural that we, as humanity, get overwhelmed... Especially when you are sensitive to not only one energy, myself, but also everyone around me... It's exhausting. 

This is my Purple Psyche. I chose purple for the mere fact that it is my absolute favorite color. On that fact, purple is a loyal, kind, creative, wise, proud, peaceful, mysterious, magical, independent and artistic color. Everything I strive to be. 

The color purple has a variety of effects on the mind and body, including uplifting spirits, calming the mind and nerves, enhancing the sacred, creating feelings of spirituality, increasing nurturing tendencies and sensitivity, and encouraging imagination and creativity.

But then if you have too much purple... That can empower rage, irritability, impatience, and arrogance. Everything that always gets me in trouble... Hence, my purple psyche; rather the battle within myself to understand the universe and accept change and diversity. Enlightenment. 

Life.

Anything and everything that I want to get off my chest. Good and bad, touching and appalling. Topics that resonate within me personally, or just flat out empathy. But in order to spill out my life on the internet, there has to be a "About Me" montage, sort of thing. Yes, the annoying 'Name, Where are you from, Family' intro that everybody hated at ever beginning of the school year. But the most pleasant thing about an online blog being that I don't have to stand up in front of 30 kids, who are just going to end up butchering my name anyway. So here it goes.

Brandyne. Don't you hate when you spell your name correctly, and spell check 'respectfully' disagrees? Um, there is no 'respect' in a red underline, telling you that you don't exist :). Anyway, Brandyne. "Like the boy name." Brand-in. Like, you walk IN to a room. Not Brayden, not Brandeen, not Bran-dine, not BrandON, nor Brandy-wine (yes, I've gotten that before) Brandyne. Simple. 

I was born and raised in a city in Utah, just north of Provo. The question that is on all'z yall'z mind, I'm sure is, "Are you Mormon?" Almost every time I meet someone new, and tell them where I'm from, that's the question I get... Let's put it this way: Yes, I was raised in the LDS church. No, I am not anymore... I found that a lot of the time, it was very contradicting. I found that I would ask a certain question in Sunday School, and I would be told, "You're too young to be asking those kind of questions..." All my curiosity kept getting shoved to the side, over and over, until finally, around High School, I realized that my God is not an 'Angry, Jealous God' and does not have those negative humanly faults. He is perfect and just wants me to be the best I can be; That I shouldn't have to got to church every week to be reminded of what I'm 'supposed' to believe in... I also found that most of the members of the church were very cynical, ironically. They are very judgmental and disapproving of anyone different from them, or grew up in a different environment. Not to say there aren't any members that live the religion right, by any means. I have several Mormon friends and family that are completely loving and accepting of all different diversities and strengths. However, there are the ones who are so devout that they become blind to "What Jesus Would REALLY Do?" And that's the same with all religion in general, in my opinion. Not just Mormonism. But! I'll go deeper on the subject another day. I've already wasted too much space of this entry with religion... Too much I'd care to waste. Oh, well.

 Bear

 Dexter

Yumi & Ichigo

I have 3 cats: Dexter, Yumi and Ichigo. And 1 Shiba Inu: Bear. They are psycho, but I love them. 

I have the most beautiful, sassy, healing daughter in the world. 15 months old, currently. She is my rock. She is my light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sure you'll read more on her as this blog goes on. Her name is Burke. I had help creating her by my amazing husband, Drew. I swear he saved my life. 

I was going down a dark path. I was going through relationship changes, friendships going down the drain, financial crisis and self harm. Psychological demons and very dark, deep, urges and thoughts. I didn't know who I was. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and I hated myself. I chopped off my foot and a half of hair off my head just cause it carried too much sadness and self loathing. I just grew to believe, just by hanging around the wrong people, that I wasn't worth shit. I believed that I was meant to be just a sex object. There was so much hatred for myself. I was an alcoholic and a chain smoker. Then I met Drew. Via an ex fling, by the way, trying to get me off his back and pawned off to someone else. He was broken too. Scared. Recently divorced. Not really looking for anything serious. Then, as he put it in a poem he wrote me months later, 

Withering I was,

Until she brought me back to life

To light

Cleaning the night from within me

Embracing the crescent moon that 

burdens my heart

She is here, she saved me

Stars glimmering with a flicker of passion

My presence no longer blue

Two wills

Driving my mind 

I now have my resolution

Let us sit

And watch time pass

Every tick of the clock

Every grain of sand

Meaningless in comparison to our devotion

For eternity is ours

-Drew White                                 

He was obviously hooked, as well ;). But I did anything and everything to try and scare him away. A subconscious test, to see if he truly cared. He eventually drove 700 miles to meet me in person. And it was instant. He didn't treat me badly, he respected me, and my body. He was the first man I ever told first that I loved him. Which was a big deal. I instantly moved to Southern California with him, and we were engaged 1 year later, married with Burke on the way another year later. It may seem fast, but he was the only person I ever moved forward WITH. And healed EACH OTHER, rather than one fixing the other then sprouting resentment. I love my husband and he is definitely my personal savior and best friend. I never knew my biological father. So all I wanted in life, was a spectacular man that could be so honest and respectful to me for a husband, and a beautiful dad to our kids. And he has gone up, up and beyond that standard. Although, we do have our tiffs and disagreements, as what marriage doesn't, he will always be my best friend and the best choice for my daughters' daddy and future kids to come. 

Now that that is over with... :) 

That's a fraction of my story. Let's say my last 5 years in a nutshell. 

For anyone who reads this: More to come. This blog is not meant to insult anyone. It's just all the jumbled thoughts in my head. Whether they be true or fantasy... Sometimes I can't tell.

Well, I have to go get ready for a Vibrations and Healing Connections Class. I know, right? Awesome, huh? 

Stay Colorful.

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche