To whomever it concerns...

So, I've been reflecting a lot on my past, lately. Yes, I know that it is in the past and I can't change it. So, I was inspired to write it all down. I have been looking over passed relationships with friends and I can't help but feel guilty. I know I shouldn't. These particular people had been toxic in my life. I had every right to burn those bridges for my own personal protection. I don't regret that part. I am who I am today because of that toxicity, though. The problem is, how can I go on preaching love, acceptance and forgiveness, if I have these bad endings of friendships? 

Never again, would I ever go back to these friendships. I am happy. I have an amazing, adorable and loving husband that provides everything I need, at any cost, emotionally, physically, maritally, and mentally. He worships the ground I walk on. And I worship him right back. In all things. In all faults and qualities. He has given me a beautiful daughter. Who, I just can't express more, is my everything... She slaps me in the face when I'm feeling "Woe is me." She grounds me. She is my rock and my constant thing I can count on in this life; Alongside her dad. So, I'm not sad. I'm not resentful. My family, my animals, my home, my job, everything I have worked for in this marriage, has been a success, in abundance. 

As I said, I would never allow myself to fizzle back into that dark, unhappy place. In those same friend circles. But how can I move forward in my spiritual healing, if I have not completely healed, myself? I don't know. That is the ultimate question. Most of these people would LOVE to never hear from me again. I was not a nice teenager... I was very jaded and broken. I was so desperate for attention... It was exhausting. The only ones willing to stick around during my hell, was my family, of course, and my two best friends, one, whom I had to scratch my way back to her and apologize for my stupidity. And the other I lost from Leukemia in August '14, before I could mend what tension her and I had... I don't know if I can carry that heavy of guilt again. That almost tore me apart.

What I'm trying to get at is, to anyone that may randomly look at my facebook, from time to time, (I'm sure I've stalked yours too) or checked my instagram, this blogger account, any of you that we have obviously went our separate ways, separated with negative closure, I hope you see this. I'm sorry for leaving things the way I did. Both parties could have handled things better. I feel we have moved on and are doing quite well for ourselves. But we can't hide the fact that if we ran in to one another in a grocery store, our stomachs would drop. All that anxiety, all that irritability, hatred; It's not healthy. We've created our own little new families, relationships, partners, friend circles, coworkers, groups, etc. beautifully. I'd just like to congratulate you.  Thank you for the great memories we DID share. And I apologize for my stubborn, prideful, hateful random acts of immaturity. Thank you for the laughs. And I hope your life is filled with happiness, health, and grace. Let's go on with our own lives with clarity. Farewell. 

Stay colorful.

Purple Psyche

Brandyne White

Michael, Raphael and Gabriel

I have been thinking a lot about The Archangels lately... I started reading Archangels 101, written by Doreen Virtue... I love it. I haven't really gotten far in it yet... But, my family and I have had a stressful and scary 2015 thus far. And reading this has really helped my faith. The Archangels are the angels that most people believe will be the ones to smite all evil and wicked during the apocalypse, or rapture. They are on the highest scale next to God, they are God's right hand. When you are praying to them, asking for their help and guidance, you are asking God. When you are praying to them, you are not 'worshiping another God' or 'false idols.' They are God's middlemen, or women. Whichever.  They don't have gender, they don't have judgement, they are love and good in all ways. They help us, through God's light while God works on more pressing issues ;P. They are unlimited beings. So asking them for help with something you feel is trivial or minimal, they are not being taken away from something more pressing. They are infinite. They are anywhere and everywhere at the same time. But only if you ask them.  

I have been so nervous, spiritually, financially, physically, and emotionally. Whether we were gonna make it... So I started looking for help. I read that they cannot intervene with free will or free agency, so in order for them to help out, they need your permission... They help with protection with travel, patience, material items, health, physical healing, strength, finance. It is the idea of ridding us of unnecessary stress and loss... Making our experience on this earth filled with lower energy and anxiety. So all they need is permission. 

I was so upset about money and trying to find the way to make rent and bills... So I called on Archangel Michael for help and guidance to help us stabilize. Michael is the highest of the angels, he is the angel of all things. Asked if he could help us make rent. I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. I went to bed and the next morning I looked at my bank account and I got paid. Like I normally do, the same day I normally do... But I got paid double my normal hourly rate... They cashed out my vacation days... on THAT pay check. What are the odds? We were able to make rent. We were able to grab a few groceries. Drew and I asked him help Drew to find a job and soon. I asked if he could encourage the employer to give him more hours when he did find one. Drew went to an interview, got the job, and 2 days later, was asked to come in early permanently.  He's got the job of his dreams and with great pay. He is so happy. And I am less stressed :).  I thanked Michael, over and over. 

That wasn't the end of the miracles. Archangel Raphael is most commonly known for being the healer, for lack of better word. The angel of all the animals and nature. And I had an experience at work, I'm a dog groomer so I had a client come in and the poor thing was just so matted, and his eye goop was so packed and dried onto his face and I noticed that the skin under it was really raw and looked like he had been scratching at it. Like he was trying to get it off... It was very irritated, and the other eye was starting to get that bad as well. So I called the Pet Parent and let them know the situation, asking if they wanted me to continue and what they would like me to do and what I recommended, etc, etc. They ended up wanting me to continue, and just try to get as much hair off around it and clean it up as much as I could. They told me they had made an appointment for the little guy for the vet the next morning. Unfortunately, in the bath it got even more irritated, obviously, because the skin gets softer in water, so it started to bleed. I worked around it like the parent wanted and finished up the groom. When he was all done and putting him back in the kennel to wait for his parents, I asked Raphael to PLEASE help speed up this little ones healing process for his injury. I asked him to please help the dog not scratch at it anymore. I gave the dog kisses and shut the door and continued on my next dog. 

Later, the pet parents showed up and I went to go get their pup. I do want to say, I am not making this up. I looked at that dog, and it was as if he had been in there for days allowing his eye to heal up. Like the vet secretly stopped by and sprayed some healing spray on it... It was almost gone. In 20 minutes. I took him out to his parents and they must have thought I was nuts. Because they were squinting their eyes, trying to find what the heck I was talking about over the phone... And all I could find to say was..."Well, it DID look bad..." :P Again, I thanked Raphael and went on with my work satisfied. 

Archangel Gabriel is the angel of revelation. The messenger of God. Gabriel also works most with children, adoption, conceiving and parenting. This angel is mostly referred to as a woman, cause of her feminine figure and maternal energy. My daughter, Burke, had been really sick for the last couple weeks. Her nose was all stuffed up, she wasn't eating, she hadn't gone potty in a couple days, and she was just so tired and lethargic. She was definitely sick. I took her to the doctor and got her going on the right path of recovery. But before that kicked in, it was obviously gonna take some healing time. But she wasn't sleeping. She was staying up, crying, screaming, she was so uncomfortable breathing through her mouth. She would fall asleep after self soothing, then jolt awake due to the fact she wasn't used to sleeping with breathing through her mouth. She would get startled and freak out. I tried everything. Dancing with her to calm her to sleep. Warm milk. Her little noise maker that she usually loves to listen to while falling asleep... I tried Vicks vapor rub. The humidifier. Everything. I was left to just allowing her to just self soothe. I prayed to Gabriel to help her. To allow her to fall asleep, or lull her asleep. Help her not be so scared  and uncomfortable... I asked if she could lull her to sleep and keep her asleep. I asked her to clear her nose up. I asked her to lull her so she can sleep throughout the night. I knew she needed to heal, she was still sick and as all of us know, sleeping is the best thing for you. She wasn't doing that. About 3 minutes later, I was noticing Burke was quieting down. She would burst out in tears at first for a second, then quiet down again. She finally was out. She slept through the whole night. Which she wasn't, that whole week before. She was sleeping like she usually did. Drew and I were able to have a good nights rest. And Burke woke up chipper and excited the next morning. Like she hadn't been sick for days. 

...

I noticed something every time I would talk to them... Whenever the conversation was over, and I felt they got the gist of what I was asking, my ears would ring. Like the ringing you get from standing up too fast, or when you just left a concert, something loud went off right next to your ear, or even when you get hit smack dab on the ear with something. But I was just sitting there. It was as if they were responding back, "I'll get right on it." But in angel-ese;ish;an;ic. What ever language they speak ;P the heavenly language, if you will. But in a pitch or frequency that is only heard as a ringing. At that moment, every time, I felt I had been heard. 

...

I had a visit with my medium today. It was a Christmas gift for my Grandma. She had some closure business to do. She had some worries to let go. All her guardians and passed relatives wanted to take those burdens from her and replace it with light and acceptance. She was asked to open up her heart and send all that negative guck out of her soul. During the healing process, Christ actually wanted to personally heal her sorrows himself. So he asked her permission if he could do that, and she of course said yes... We all closed our eyes,  sent light and love to my grandma, to help the process. I saw, in my mind, my grandma sitting there, surrounded by light, and her chest pouring out sadness and worry. When all that dark was out, I saw a bright, white, silhouette. Yes, I know a silhouette is supposed to be a shadow, or dark, black. But the only way I can describe it was the opposite of a silhouette, white. But I could tell it was a figure, a being. So bright, with light and love I couldn't make out details in facial features or what he would look like. I just could see the basics, the head, the body, limbs, the cloak, all emitting pure light and love, joy and understanding. And his eyes... Filled with pure joy and love. With a twinkle of happy tears. I saw her chest sealing up with gold string stitching her up, light and what looked like glitter, filling her core until her chest was sealed and closed. Whole. Christ smiled, and leaned down and lightly kissed her forehead. She felt so lifted. So light. It was the most magical thing I've seen. 

Stay Colorful. 

Purple Psyche

Brandyne White

It's 2015!

The year of hoverboards, flying cars, and wristwatch phones! It's been a while since I've written. With the holiday season being so chaotic, finding the time has been hard ;). But! 2015 is here! When we all thought we wouldn't make it passed 12-21-2012, due to the ending of the Mayan Calendar fiasco, we all know so well! Named The International Year of Light and Light-based Technologies. This year, we'll have 5/15/15. Roughly up to 150 Million human births are expected within a period of 365 days of 2015, across the world! Big year!

Anyway, I just was thinking about all the New Year resolutions everyone has, and how very few people stick to them... The usual: Quit smoking, exercise more, gossip less, watch less tv, drink less coffee, loose 30 pounds, drink less alcohol, make more money, etc. etc. etc. 

 I was also thinking about how self centered all these resolutions can be... Yes, there is a time to think of yourself, but when you proclaim, "New year, New me!" every. single. year. It get's pretty redundant...

I wish I heard these more often: Start Recycling, Open my heart, Stop Judging, Love more, Give to Charity, Be a better Mother/Father, Pray for others, Be kind, Be more giving.  Things that benefit others and send loving and positive energy out to others. 

2015 is supposed to be the year of change, good fortune and wealth... Let's sure as hell hope so...I have never really been one for resolutions, but this year is the year for change, so why not? So. My resolution for year 2015, have more faith. Not necessarily just in a spiritual way. But more in humanity. My little family and I have been pretty stomped on a lot this past year. By employers, teachers, instructors, family members, and 'friends.'... But there is those occasions when Humanity absolutely blows my mind... Things that bring tears to my eyes... Enjoy a this sample of the many things Humanity does RIGHT.

And... That's just a snippet of what we do... I really want to try and remember whenever something bad happens, to give whomever the benefit of the doubt... That they are just living their lives... Doing things to support their family. Doing what they feel is best for their loved ones... Just as I'm doing. And remember without sadness, pain, betrayal and disappointment, there can not be light, happiness, joy and love. I want to work on not being so quick to anger with them... 

....

I want to grow closer to my intuition. I want to discipline myself more on understanding Archangels, Deities, Meditation, Spiritual Healing and putting it to action. I want to start helping people find closure. I'm ready.  

Happy New Year, and good luck on everyone and their resolutions! 

Stay Colorful.

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

Christmas is Coming!

Christmas is coming and I could not be more excited! I love Christmas. Yes, in my high school, rebel days, I hated it. I hated what it had become. The "Gimme gimme gimme" mindset that most children these days are set on. I didn't hate it because it was too much cheer for my hormonal teenage brain could handle; I was more irritated that kids didn't even know what the season of giving was even about. Even adults have the idea of celebration on Christmas all wrong... The misconception of Christmas is that Christmas is when Jesus was born. And we celebrate that. When in reality "Jesus’s birthday was probably in the fall. It was actually the winter solstice festival that was co-opted by the Church and renamed “Christmas”. But I mean, the Yule log, the tree, even Santa’s red suit – that’s all remnants of pagan worship." As Sam Winchester has taught me ;). 

But! That's not the point. The point is once you have kids... Your whole outlook on Christmas, Birthdays, Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, etc., changes. You become this Holiday Nazi. Everything has to be perfect. Every wreath, garland, ornament, and gift have to be in place. So your kids can have a memorable and happy Christmas... It becomes a kind of game. How great of a Christmas can you make this year? Not to say you have to spoil the kids. No need for over abundance of gifts. Just affection, spending time, and laughter. Sounds cheesy, but it's true. That's what this whole season is about. Spending time with friends and family. Cuddling up in a blanket with hot cocoa, and snow falling outside, reading a good book. Making snow men, and Christmas crafts. Driving around, looking at all the Christmas lights. For us, Utahns, taking a trip up to Salt Lake City and wandering through Temple Square, lit from the ground up with vibrant lights. The tradition in my little family is grabbing Moochies on the way up, a philly and sub joint in South Salt Lake, it's incredible. 

And we can't forget Christmas Eve. I get more excited for this day than the actual Christmas Day... Our family tradition, having a great family get together. With ham, kick back a few beers, board games and sibling rivalry. Who's cheating this year? Opening our one Eve Christmas Gift; which is ALWAYS pjs. I remember as a kid, I would always try  to be sneaky and grab a gift that couldn't POSSIBLY be pjs for my one Eve Gift. Turns out, my mom was smarter that my little 6 year old self, and boxed them up to trick me. So I would save the toys for Christmas Day. Also, what would I have worn to bed? Mom knows what she's doing. ;)

Back on the sibling rivalry... Every year, we play some kind of board game, or card game. Our family's favorite currently is Cards Against Humanity... Figures, right? Or that one game that where you have nouns written on a pieces of paper, and you stick them on your forehead, without looking at them, and you have to try and ask what you are... I don't have any clue what that game is called. I think my mom kind of made it up :P. Anyway, without fail, either me and MY brother, or my mom and my uncle, get in a screaming match of, "You're cheating!" "You can't do that! That's too much information!" "That's not part of the rules!" "It don't matter how young he is, he doesn't get a freebie!" ... ... ... As chaotic as this routine gets every year... It's something I long for, every season. It is all harmless fun. I love every little quirk my family has. My cousins sitting back, laughing at all that is going down, my little brother and sister fighting about who gets the last piece of Christmas candy. My grandma absent mindedly cleaning up the kitchen. Me constantly telling her to go sit down ;).  I love it. The whole spirit... 

I love the day of Christmas, the family time. Watching others gasp at a gift they truly love... Not in a selfish, snooty, gimme way... But a genuine, thankful way... 

Christmas is just another reminder, to me, that family is forever... And Christ's light is always around... 

I was talking to my Grandma about the meaning of life the other day... She was wondering what this whole thing was for... And I was able to answer... Without any bitter words or resentment... 

I believe this world is about acceptance... Love. With no judgement. Being able to wish good fortune on someone, with no ulterior motive. Being happy for someone's achievements with no hidden bitterness. Loving each other, not only as you want to be loved, but just because it's the decent thing to do... With no hate... No prejudice. 

Creation. Reproduction... Teaching your offspring this same gospel... Beauty in everything... 

Finally, and certainly not least... Growing everyday, learning everyday to be a better person. Being the best you can be each day. 

Stay Colorful

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

Wilson vs. Ferguson

Does... Nobody remember I am married to an man who was in Law Enforcement? Does no one care to think, "Oh, Brandyne's husband used to be a cop, let's ask her what her opinion on this case is." No. When there is a heated discussion, the only thing people are thinking about is their rebuttal, striking down the most recent offensive statement, and getting in that last word. Throwing a few insults in, here and there. All anyone cares about is hearing themselves talk. Keyword: themselves. 

Not to be self pitying or woe is me, by any means. It's just fact. When people are debating, the goal is to win... No matter what information is correct or how much experience/education another party has... No whining. Just fact. 

But... At the same time, as everyone is bickering about this tragic event, I'm standing here asking, "Has any single one of these people, actually been in this cop's situation? Do any of these people understand the weight of being a Cop's wife? The amount of PTSD I have, caused by the severe and traumatic PTSD my husband has endured? Have any of these people been in a life and death situation, where their every move effects the odds of going home to your loving family or a body bag? Has any of these people thought to themselves, 'Should I gain some perspective? Maybe not EVERY thing I believe is gospel...' "

I'm standing there knowing that these people are ripping each other's throats out over this, and these people know nothing... They have not sat at home praying their husband walks in the door at night... They have not sent their spouse off to work, with that quiet heartbreak everyday, knowing that this day may be your last with him... Scared shitless. Praying that when he DOES come home, his cop switch is turned off so you don't have to tip toe around and trigger a fight with him. They have never restrained someone with the thought in their head that if they move in the slightest wrong way, they can be killed; this bad guy can turn your whole life into just brains slaughtered into the concrete... 

The last thing a cop wants to do is resort to using their weapon... Any time a cop has to pull out his gun, it's not going to be a good time... A law enforcement officer is not trained to use his gun just to maim, or injure. They are trained to stop a threat in it's tracks by a shot straight into 'mid mass', the center of the chest. If that means shooting someone who tries to grab your gun from inside the cop car, then resist arrest, WHILE talking smack and hate back to the officer, then charging at the officer, so be it... He was doing what was in his training to protect himself and others around him. HE is going home that night. The officer is going to his family. He did what he needed to to make that happen. Yes, the kid had a family, as well. But frankly, he should have complied with the officer with respect for the law. I mean, he was stopped in the first place for stealing mini cigars, for hell's sake. The kid had JUST robbed a convenient store! Sweet guy... 

Citizens may reject my opinion by saying there was less violent ways of detaining the student. Yes, this may be true, but what's happened has happened... But! What else would you suggest? This kid ended up charging at him and pulling his hands out of his pockets... No cop EVER is going to say to himself, "Oh, okay. Let's just wait and see what he pulls out of his pocket... I don't know if it's nothing, a gun, a detonator, a grenade, a lighter, knife, or even a lollipop. I don't know! But let's wait and see! What's the worst that can happen?? Go ahead, I'll wait for you." Or, "Oh, here, thief! I want you to trust me as an officer and protector of your society, here's my gun to show you how serious I am about that." If  ever such an officer was to exist, he wouldn't for long. 

I don't even see a REASON for this town to be angry... The cop did his job and did it to the best of his ability. He apologized to the family, sincerely. Now he must have a National Guard escort, everywhere he goes. Oh, and to add a cherry on top of it all, him and his wife are expecting a baby. Let's just put an innocent infant at fault here, shall we? If  peace won't be spread for the officers sake, spread peace and forgiveness to this baby and his wife. 

These riots are SO misplaced... Fix violence by creating violence. That's pretty much all I have to say about that. It's too ridiculous and pointless to even talk about. Let's just not blow up buildings in response to that hate you are supposedly wanting to resolve... Done. 

I heard something today that just ABSOLUTELY boiled my blood... Someone said that the white people need to get what's coming to them. A mass riot. A racial attack. Something to make it even with all the rest of us. They need to suffer too. 

So... Did the holocaust like, not happen? Are the Jewish bot part of the 'white' category? Pearl Harbor? 9/11? J. Stalin? No? Doesn't ring a bell? Regardless, is it just me? Or is the 'White' race moving more towards putting slavery in the past than the actual 'Black' race? The only time I have ever heard any one being racist, it's always the one's hating on the 'White' community. I feel like we are trying to move forward, but other races keep pulling us back into that hole. That stigma. We can't crawl out of it... 

My point is, Stop the Hate. It creates most problems, and has solved none. Allow this Officer to live his life with his family in peace, and let this strengthen them. Bless the family of this kid with forgiveness and humility... 

Being a Cop's wife, and recent life events, both have taught me that life is just too short. Life can be taken from you in an instant. Life would take a lot longer to be stolen if everyone just.... Got along. 

Rant Over.

Stay colorful.

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

Uh, oh. Religion.

I had a hankering to write about something tonight. I think I might be getting addicted to this thing ;). But I couldn't think up what to write about. I knew I wanted to speak out. But I couldn't figure out what was bothering me... So I went straight to the source where only answers are found... Google. 

Yes. I resorted to Google. Asking, " What should I write about?" A search I had no expectation of finding something deep enough or personal enough to write  about. But! I surprisingly find that Buzzfeed has EVERYTHING.  Anyone who knows me, knows I. LOVE. BUZZFEED. I like all their pages on Facebook, I play most of their quizzes, I share all of their videos, and read all of their articles. I have now proved that they know everything. ;) The point is, they have a quiz that asks one question and one question only; "What do I write?" And the answer you choose is randomized, colored squares, every time that page is refreshed. So I picked a square; it gave me a topic. 

My first try, it said, "What is the number one problem with society?" 

Where. Do. I. Start???

The first thing to come to my mind is organized religion... Now, before all'z yall'z go throwin' your pitch forks and ablaze torches at me, I just want to explain...

I am not trying to convert anyone in anyway. You will take these words as you will. As food for thought, as a new perspective, or as complete bull. Nothing I say is in offense to any particular religion, it's just the way I see things. This blog is just an outlet and a way for the people in my life to understand my beliefs, lifestyle, and reasons I do things the way I do. Without hate, without negativity, without discrimination. Just simply speaking my mind on the issues, while allowing readers to still be entitled to their own belief system. Without offense, or arrogance; or sounding condescending by butting in my opinion over yours... That is the beauty of this. I can write my thoughts, and you can write yours. No judgement... Unless you're an ass. Then there will be judgement ;P.

Now that that disclosure is over...

How do I begin? 

I grew up Mormon. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints... I have always believed in God. Or... Something higher. Whether 'God' be a man or a woman. Faith or chance. Spirit, thought, kindness, or light. A blonde haired, blue eyed or dark haired, dark skinned being? Whether we're created in his image in a spiritual, soulful way or physical... My theories are always changing... But, honestly, that's what I feel is the beauty of it. I am always thinking up ways this world can be more magical... 

Even to the point of believing that Aliens, yes, Aliens, are part of this Godly plan... I have always believed that you kind of have to be pretty naive and self centered to think that we are the ONLY living beings in the billions and billions and billions of universes. How is that possible? Without sounding too pessimistic, we are not even a dust particle in size compared to the possibilities of other worlds and universes out there... How can we be the ONLY ONES? We can't. There is too much room for just us... I believe they are part of God's plan. Maybe the ARE the plan. Maybe they ARE 'God'? 

BUT we'll get into this topic another day... My point today is... WHAT'S WRONG WITH A LITTLE MYSTERY?? What's wrong with just accepting the unknown and letting the world take it's course. Living your life with your loving family and friends. Embracing the love and light this 'God' has engulfed around us? Why do we have to have a label on every single belief system that only differentiates by one simple scripture? Why can't we all just agree on loving one another and accepting that everyone does things different? No one gets hurt. No one dies. Every war that has ever been fought is created by disagreement of cultures, beliefs, religion and the way people do things. 

Going back to my upbringing, my family wasn't exactly the most religiously active bunch in the neighborhood... They taught me right from wrong, discipline, affection, and laughter. Everything a child needs to grow mentally. 

I remember one night my Mom and Grandma were sitting on the sofa, right after the sun went down, they were watching some kind of special on Christ. I don't know if it was a PBS special, something LDS made, or something from the History channel, but I do know I wasn't paying much attention. I was too busy with my Linkin Logs, or Barbies, or whatever it was I was goofing with... I remember I was wearing my Barney 'Long-John' PJs, it was close to bed time, I guess they were just finishing this episode off before they sent me to bed. The beauty of commercial breaks ;P. 

But I remember sitting there with whatever I was playing with, looked up at the TV; then dropped whatever I was holding... 

Remember, at this young age, I'm not supposed to know what the hell religion is, who 'God' is, let alone Jesus Christ. I wasn't raised into that yet... I was just taught to be kind and share your cookies. ;) 

Toward the end of the special, they showed a final photo of Christ in his tan and red robe, smiling at the camera slightly. End credits rolling in white lettering up the side of the screen. I looked up at the TV screen and I remember standing up, dropping my toys, and walking right over to that TV and gave it a huge, big, hug. Cheek to glass. I remember looking at my mom and grandma, both with streams of tears rolling down their faces. 

I remember thinking, "What are they crying about?" Then returning to my toys. Just because it was so normal to me. My spiritual veil hadn't been closed yet. I mean, it should have, by then. But honestly, even to this day it hasn't. 

I still have a hard time getting others to understand how I see things because of this: lack of veil, thing. 

How can you disregard God or Christ after that? 

So. As I said. I have always kept them in my heart and and have always prayed for their guidance and light. BUT I don't use it as an excuse to judge others who are different than me. I don't use my intuition as a jab against others who might not believe. That is what bugs me. I see these groups of religion and church, and they discourage homosexuality and choice and difference in political party, and they shun them. 

Not all, individuals of these groups, but in a nutshell, the actual church does believe this way... Shouldn't it be the other way around?? Shouldn't they be accepting of all options of loving others and choice and happiness? Free will? As long as no one is getting hurt? No one dying??

Separation of church and state is becoming obsolete. It's becoming the standard...  I've grown up in this town too long to believe that misplaced judgement is in the eyes of the beholder... It's everywhere. 

I am Spiritual. Healing. Accepting. Loving. Out Spoken. Loyal. And will never judge you on your religious beliefs... Just on how you treat others, me, and yourself... I don't take orders from a God that tells me that "A woman should be silent in the house of God and should never take authority over a man."- Corinthians 14:34. Or a God that is Proud and Envious, Jealous or with any other human characteristic. 

I do not take orders from a God that tells me that I am committing adultery if  I married a man who is divorced from an abusive woman... -Luke 16:18 

I do not take orders from a God who tells me that if I disobey him he'll order me to eat my children?? -Leviticus 26: 27-30 What is that??

Anyway, then these groups decide that the old testament is too harsh... Ya think? 

So they write a new one... One of love and Christ and happy la de da... They make their rules so when one commandment doesn't go along with a certain testament, they read from the other one for proof. 

Religion is not about spreading gospel and faith... It's about who's right and who's wrong. 


It all just doesn't make sense to me. I'll just be a happy mother and be kind to others... I choose THAT religion...  Yes. I pick that one... The one with no label. Just kindness and enlightenment. 

God will always be my compass... Christ will always be my savior. They are not selfish, jealous, full of pride, greed, envy or anger... They are love, acceptance, kindness and selflessness. They will always love me and stand by my decisions. I just have to be the best person I can be... 

Stay Colorful

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

The Dad I Never Had...

Duane Martin

I miss Duane.  I do everyday. Not to discredit my little brother in anyway. I know he is more heartbroken and still healing from his death and that's absolutely understandable. Duane was not my Biological Father, as much as I wish he was, but alas, I don't choose these things in this place we call 'Life.' Duane is my Brother's Biological Father, Dad, Daddy, Da Da. But I never got that. I never had that Father Figure in my life. Which is fine! It's made me who I am. And made me the strong woman I always strive to be. But him being my Brother's dad, he was around enough for me to kind of grow that bond with him over time. 

Of course there was the times where my mom and him would get in fights and I'd be on moms side because... She's my mom ;)  Times I was just a little kid trying to fit in with the grown ups and get mad at him for something I don't even know what the heck they were fighting about. But he'd come around again for his visitation for my brother, and honestly, how can you stay mad at that puppy dog face? You can't. He always found his way back on your good list. Not in a bad or manipulative way, at all. Just in a charismatic, you know you love me, I'm sorry about the other night,  way ;) .

Now, my mom didn't always fall for it... Hardly ever. But me, a little girl, desperate for a daddy, ALWAYS fell for it :) He was never a bad dad, never hurtful to us, always wrestled in the living room and watched batman beyond with River and I. I remember when he tried to teach me guitar... What a bust that was... Haha. But he was putting that effort and pride into teaching me something new. Even though I was a lost cause with the guitar ;P. I remember when I was REALLY little, I was over at his house and he was showing off his guitar collection to me and River... I remember thinking, "Whoa... Duane's a Rockstar in disguise!" 

I remember when my mom and her, at the time, best friend were in a big fight. I mean a almost a year long silence. And he was actually the one who convinced mom to call her and got them talking again. He was always the peace maker. While at the same time, teasingly cocky with the  'I'm awesome' attitude. 

He always made us laugh. He was so so great with kids. I never felt left out when he was around. Except, of course, when he would leave with River and not me. But I always had that bond with Duane. Like he was one of the few men in my life that helped fill that hole. That missing, no dad, hole. 

...

Every chance he gets, he will come through in a Medium Session. He's come through in River's session, my mom's private session, Mine, and even classes I've been to. During these he's always let me know how much of a daughter I was to him. That the blood relation doesn't mean anything... He told me that he knows and feels me miss him every single day. And it's true. I pray for his guidance and light everyday. When I'm having a bad day, alone in my car; he's who I go to. He knew about the relationships I had phased out. He knew I was doing what was best for me and stood by me. He knew about Burke and how much he adores her and feels like she is my world, my constant, my hero. She brought me to reality and the beauty of motherhood. He knew about my husband, and how he pulled me out of the darkness. He told me how proud he was of me, as a Dad would. Everything I need to hear from a father.

I was taught how to practice my connections at home in my most recent class. And so I did. I thought about the love I feel for Duane. The healing and Gods warm light. I thought about all my chakras aligning and energizing and my forehead felt like someone was lightly pushing on it with their finger, my third eye. 

So when I was finished with asking for messages to come only through God's light, I felt Duane around. My blood shifted and my arms felt warm. Acknowledging his presence was the first baby step for me. So asking questions and getting answers is all new and jumbled to me. 

Pictures, images, and scenes kept popping up in my mind. All I could focus on was some kind of car crash or close call with one, or even just the inside of a car, looking out the windshield on a rainy night. It was something he was feeling guilty for but I couldn't put my finger on it. And my head was already jumbled and new to all of this information. But I do remember this specific conversation very clearly, I said, ''Duane, I wish..." and immediately, I heard an interruption from him saying, "Call me 'Dad'." I kind of just sat there and responded..."I don't know how River would feel about that..." Then all I heard back was... "Give him time." 

I sat there kind of stunned and confused and started to close my portal for the night and told him I loved him, and that I wished him and mom had a better relationship while he was here on earth... I heard back, "We will." My mom was so happy to hear that ;) . 

There are so many people who love and miss Duane... He touched so many lives. He would have made an excellent Grandpa for my Burke. Regardless of blood relation. 

He will always have that place in my heart. 

My life has changed for the better these passed few months. I've accepted that I am meant to learn this work and help everyone who will let me. Including myself. 

Even with the knowledge I have of this work, I still find my self starstruck with amazement. He'll still give me goosebumps. To this day, without fail, every time I ask him for guidance and strength, "Come Sail Away" by Styx pops on the radio...  That is the only answer I need.

He will always be a Dad to me. 

Stay Colorful.

Brandyne White

Purple Psyche

Photo Credit: Julie Denter and Jill Rigby